When a relationship hits a rough patch, many couples feel helplessly trapped in recurring patterns. In my work, I use the globally recognized Gottman Method to break this cycle. Unlike purely moderated discussions, this approach is based on decades of relationship research. It is not about who is "to blame," but about objectively measuring the dynamics between you as a team and changing them in a targeted manner.
The structured process: From analysis to change
Sustainable improvement in couple communication rarely happens overnight. That's why my therapy follows a clear, five-step process. It begins with an in-depth diagnostic phase, during which we not only talk about your current problems, but also analyze the strengths and history of your relationship. This structured framework provides you with the security you need to address even difficult topics in a safe environment.
What is the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy?
The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is based on Dr. John Gottman’s research that began in the 1970’s and continues to this day. The research has focused on what makes relationships succeed or fail. From this research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have created a method of therapy that emphasizes a “nuts-and-bolts” approach to improving clients’ relationships.
This method is designed to help teach specific tools to deepen friendship and intimacy in your relationship. To help you productively manage conflicts, you will be given methods to manage “resolvable problems” and dialogue about “gridlocked” (or perpetual) issues. We will also work together to help you appreciate your relationship’s strengths and to gently navigate through its vulnerabilities.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy consists of five parts.
Early in the assessment phase, you will be given some written materials to complete that will help me better understand your relationship.
In the first session we will talk about the history of your relationship, areas of concern, and goals for treatment.
In the next session, I will meet with you individually to learn each of your personal histories and to give each of you an opportunity to share thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. In the final session of assessment, I will share with you my recommendations for treatment and work to define mutually agreed upon goals for your therapy.
Most of the work will involve sessions where you will be seen together as a couple. However, there may be times when individual sessions are recommended. I may also give you exercises to practice between sessions.
The length of therapy will be determined by your specific needs and goals. In the course of therapy, we will establish points at which to evaluate your satisfaction and progress. Also, I will encourage you to raise any questions or concerns that you have about therapy at any time.
In the later stage of therapy, we will “phase out” or meet less frequently in order for you to test out new relationship skills and to prepare for termination of the therapy. Although you may terminate therapy whenever you wish, it is most helpful to have at least one session together to summarize progress, define the work that remains, and say good-bye.
In the outcome-evaluation phase, as per the Gottman Method, four follow-up sessions are planned: one after six months, one after twelve months, one after eighteen months, and one after two years. These sessions have been shown through research to significantly decrease the chances of relapse into previous, unhelpful patterns.
In addition, commitment to providing the best therapy possible requires ongoing evaluation of methods used and client progress. The purpose of these follow-up sessions then will be to finetune any of your relationship skills if needed, and to evaluate the effectiveness of the therapy received.
How many sessions does it take?
I offer couples therapy in two models:
If you choose this option, we will meet at regular intervals for sessions. It has proven useful to meet weekly in the initial stages of therapy.
As the therapy progresses, the sessions will become less frequent until you feel that the relationship has stabilized and you are doing well cope on your own.
Weekly meetings in the initial stages are a recommendation and not a must. We decide together, depending on the respective situation, how often we meet. From experience, I can say that you should expect 8 to 15 sessions.
For a long-term and effective change I recommend an approach with two intensive sessions of five hours each, which take place at an interval of one month.
In the first session, we jointly develop targeted exercises that are precisely tailored to your situation. You can integrate these into your daily routine in the following weeks and feel the first changes.
In the second session, we take a deeper look at your individual goals and possible obstacles. You will receive further impulses and strategies to sustainably strengthen your relationship.
This structured approach replaces in many cases the classic couples therapy with about 10 sessions and provides you with an effective, focused process.
If you are interested in this format, please contact me by phone or email so that we can find arrange a free 30-min online-call to discuss further details.
Does couples therapy guarantee that a relationship will be saved?
Each couple's relationship and the problems they are struggling with are always individual. The outcome of the therapy is therefore open and depends very much on the couple and each individual partner.
Therapy creates time and space for the couple to get closer and understand each other better. In the course of the sessions, you get the opportunity to look behind the scenes and better understand the inner world, the needs and motivations of yourself and your partner. You learn to move from a conflict gridlock into a dialogue. Many couples are able to save their relationship and increase their well-being in the partnership. However, some couples come to the conclusion that they have reached the end of the common journey. In this case too, couples therapy provides a solid basis for a peaceful solution. A peaceful separation is enormously beneficial not only for the couple themselves, but also for their children.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) about Couples Therapy
This is one of the most common concerns I hear in my practice. Many couples wonder whether the changes they learn here can really last if both partners are not equally motivated at the beginning.
These concerns are completely understandable. It is important to know that every change begins with small, conscious steps. It is completely normal that your new behaviors and communication patterns have not yet become habitual at the beginning. The crucial point is that you are practicing them at all. That is already a great sign of trust and a first success!
Please don't let concerns about the authenticity of motivation cast suspicion on every little bit of progress. Because that is exactly what can slow down positive momentum before it really gets going.
My job as a therapist is to help you build a foundation of trust and hope. Together, we will find out what really motivates each of you and how you can make this visible to each other.
Trust in your partner's motivation and your shared ability to reshape your relationship is the most important foundation. I will give you the tools you need to recognize and celebrate every bit of progress, no matter how small. This will turn a conscious “Yes, I'll go along with it” into a heartfelt “Yes, we can do this together.”
This concern is entirely justified and very understandable. Many couples fear that what they have learned in everyday life will be forgotten again as soon as the situation has eased.
There are no guarantees in a relationship, but there is trust, motivation, and above all: knowledge is power.
The strategies you learn in couples therapy are not theoretical exercises, but tools that you consciously apply. When you notice in everyday life that the new behaviors are working and you can resolve conflicts more calmly, it will become easier and easier for you to follow these paths.
Think of it like a sport: you might stop training for a while, but when you feel yourself getting out of shape, you know exactly how to get back on track. It's the same with what you learn here. When you notice that your relationship is going through a difficult phase again, you have the knowledge and experience to fall back on what you've learned. You will then know exactly how to talk to each other and support each other.
My goal is to empower you so that you can confidently take responsibility for your relationship. Therapy is the start, but real change depends on your trust and your shared motivation to continue using these tools in the future.
That's a concern I can understand. At first, everything we learn here often feels artificial. It simply takes time for new behaviors to become habitual and feel completely normal.
What seems “normal” to you now is, unfortunately, what led you to me. It is the destructive relationship patterns that have become so deeply ingrained that they run unconsciously.
Everything new that you bring to your communication and your interactions with each other may seem artificial at first—but that is completely natural. Don't be afraid of it; instead, have faith in the process.
They say it takes about 90 days to establish a new habit. If you apply what we are working on here regularly and consciously in your everyday life, the artificial will eventually become your new normal. You will find your own ways, but the basic principles you learn here will always guide you. And when it no longer feels artificial, you'll know you're on the right track.